It's been a while since I have been on the blog and I've been up to a lot since then. Ha. I hope you have too. I guess the biggest thing to happen is that I have fallen in love with another...myself ❤!! Imagine that! Me, the person who has fully disclosed the struggles with Bipolar and the emotions that come along with that. Me, the one who hated the very breath I took because it meant I was still in the world. It's taken years and I will admit I still go back and forth from time to time, but I am learning that my thinking and my emotions are two very different things. Allowing myself to feel completely gives me a better sense of who I am rather than trying to think it through. Bipolar affects your thinking and when I can separate the two, it becomes a different scenario entirely, at least for me. A very big reason for the shift has been my yoga teacher training. As a teacher, I hold space for others and I feel like I can only do that authentically if I learn to hold it for myself. It's that space that has allowed me to explore in a different way and it has been one of the best things I have ever done for myself.
A full class for Restorative yesterday makes my heart smile. It is such a wonderful practice. Since my yoga journey began, I have always thought the power classes were where I wanted to stay because they felt good and made me strong; yet, I still found the connection between the mind, the body, and the breath. That is what I loved about it because I could grow personally with the practice. I just assumed that is where I would focus my energy once I graduated YTT.
Then, oh and then...Restorative happened. Yes, that wonderful, glorious, life changing Restorative yoga came into my practice. It is so much more than simply resting. I will admit that at first I loved it because it was a way to still my mind, which is a very difficult thing to do when you are Bipolar. However, I have come to know it quite differently. It’s a healing practice and connects me spiritually on a much deeper level.
To be still, to be vulnerable, to be open to finding yourself in a whole new way is a practice. So, Restorative is a practice in itself because while the body becomes relaxed and the mind allows the thoughts to leave, it gives the breath permission to do the work in the body. In order for any of that to happen, we must first feel safe. By practicing more myself, I am understanding how to better facilitate that for others. That is also why you will never see a picture of my classes. I share the studio space, but will never allow pictures to be taken in class because I don't want anyone to even think about a camera being in the room. This isn't a photo op for me, it is a safe haven for them.
Continuing to learn who I am as a person, who I want to become, how to better navigate mental illness, redefining my whole world to be a better, happier place to live has made me fall in love with who I am becoming. It doesn't matter that I am the only person that thinks I am hilarious, at least I'm laughing. It doesn't matter if others think I am a little cuckoo; I think I'm colorful. I really am becoming my own best friend and I couldn't be happier to simply allow myself to fall in love with who I am. For the first time in my life, I am finding out who I really am and I am not everyone's cup of tea, but I am my own cup of tea so that's all that matters.
Allow yourself to get to know you fully. No matter what you use to do that, just do it. We are continuously changing because time doesn't stand still.
If you come to my Restorative classes, we start by rooting down and finding the stability in being grounded. This allows you to feel safe to be vulnerable. We then move on to releasing and letting go of things that are not serving you in a positive way. That allows you to make space to absorb what you need to be balanced, to feel good, to feel wanted, to feel whole. It then moves to rest and simply absorbing the work your body has just done by using the breath. Finally, we end with restoring the mind and body to allow it to grow in a different way than when you came in. Maybe it is subtle, maybe it’s more pronounced, but my hope is that you leave a little better than when you came.
The chanting we do in class is fun, but it is also very intentional and serves a purpose. All of these things are done with the mind and the breath while the body is fully supported near the ground.
If you have a Restorative class near you, try it out. More than once, try it and allow yourself to practice being still. That's where change happens...when we are not so busy chasing it, but we are still and allowing it.
Namaste!
